A process addiction is similar to a substance addiction, except that instead of being addicted to a drug, the person with a process addiction is addicted to a cluster of behaviors. Examples of process addictions would include eating disorders, sexual addictions, and gambling addictions. A process addiction is an addiction to a process or a pattern of behavior.
Emotional aggression can be a process addiction as well. It tends to be an automatic response to certain emotional states, and the motivation for engaging in emotionally aggressive behaviors is that it can sometimes mimic the ‘high’ of abusing a substance. The brain produces neurotransmitters; chemicals which induce or aid in emotional states. Automatic processes can produce these chemicals. So can drugs. In either case, the ‘user’ is creating an artificially-induced chemical state in order to experience a ‘high.’
There are three major characteristics of any addiction:
Withdrawal – In substance abuse, withdrawal manifests in physiological symptoms related to the substance. A person with alcoholism might wake up with a hangover. A person with a heroin addiction might have the sweats or stomach cramps. A person trying to quit smoking might get irritable or angry. With a process addiction, the person may get nervous, anxious or angry when attempting to give up the behavior.
Tolerance – In substance abuse, tolerance manifests as an increasing need for the substance being used in order to get the same ‘high.’ Suppose the first time I drink I get a buzz off of two or three beers. Then six months or a year later, I need a six-pack or more to get the same high. I’ve developed a tolerance for alcohol. In a process addiction, tolerance manifests as a need to engage in more and more of the same behavior in order to get the same effect. With emotional aggression, I might start out acting in an emotionally aggressive way once or twice a week. Then six months later it might be once or twice a day, then a year later it might be five or six times a day, and so on.
Loss of Control – In substance abuse, loss of control manifests as an inability to keep addictive behaviors from interfering in activities of daily living. I might miss work because of a hangover. I might get in trouble with the law for fighting or other illegal activities to support my habit. In emotional aggression, loss of control manifests in a similar fashion. If I’ve ever gotten fired from a job because of my ‘attitude,’ or if I’ve ever been in legal trouble because of my inability to control my anger,’ then I’ve experienced loss of control.
Signs of a Process Addiction
Below is a list of signs that a Process Addiction may be present. If any of these sound familiar, you may be using emotional aggression as a process addiction:
Withdrawal Cluster
- When the person tries to stop engaging in emotional aggression, he/she becomes moody, has a bad temper, has difficulty paying attention and concentrating, and experiences depression, emptiness, frustration, anger, bitterness and resentment.
- Changes in appetite or sleep habits when attempting to stop the behavior. With process addictions, withdrawal can lead to anxiety, depression, trembling or nervous tics, sweating, and in extreme circumstances, to violent tendencies.
- A person with a process addiction might use other behaviors in an attempt to get the same ‘high,’ such as driving fast or engaging in risky activities in order to get an adrenaline rush.
- A person with an emotional aggression addiction may feel the need to indulge to start the day. That is, he/she may provoke an argument first thing in the morning in order to feel better.
- A person with a process addiction to emotional aggression might seek out or provoke opportunities to act in emotionally aggressive ways.
Tolerance Cluster
- A person with a process addiction to emotional aggression may feel that they need to be able to behave this way in order to deal with their problems.
- A person with a process addiction to emotional aggression may spend more and more time and energy focusing on ways of provoking a situation that will give them an opportunity to act out in emotionally aggressive ways.
- Many people who are addicted to emotional aggression are in denial. They are either unaware that they have a problem, or they refuse to acknowledge it, preferring to blame their own behavior on others.
- As the addiction to emotional aggression progresses the person may stop doing things they once enjoyed, or if they engage in those activities, they no longer find them enjoyable.
- The need to engage in emotional aggression becomes more important than relationships. This often manifests in the need to be ‘right’ all the time, even at the expense of the relationship.
Loss of Control Cluster
- The individual continues engaging in emotional aggression on a regular basis, even though they are aware of the consequences to family, work, and social circles.
- The person cannot stop the behavior. At least one serious attempt was made to give up, but the person was unsuccessful. A person who cannot control their physical aggression is a danger to themselves and to others. In extreme cases, when they totally lose control of their behavior, institutionalization may be necessary.
- Some activities are given up because of an addiction to the process. A person with a process addiction to emotional aggression might turn down social opportunities because of a fear of not being able to regulate their behavior.
- In some cases the person with a process addiction might make take risks to make sure he/she can continue to engage in emotional aggression. They might quit a job because the boss complained about their attitude. They might leave a relationship because the other person complained about the way they were being treated.
- A person with a process addiction to emotional aggression may have legal troubles. This could be the result of vandalism during a fit of rage, or physical or sexual abuse committed against others, or of indulging in illegal activities in an effort to regulate moods. This could also include abusing substances as a method of emotional regulation.
If you checked off more than two items from each category above, you may have a process addiction to emotional aggression. If all three elements of withdrawal, tolerance, and loss of control are present, then the emotionally aggressive person has a process addiction to emotional aggression.
The Process Addiction Cycle
The process addiction to emotional aggression manifests in the Addiction Cycle. The Addiction Cycle for process addictions is similar to the Addiction Cycle for substance abuse addictions. The Substance Abuse Addiction Cycle contains five major elements. Those elements are:
- Emotional Trigger – There is a problem with emotional regulation that triggers the craving cycle
- Craving – Due to the emotional difficulty, the individual begins to crave a substance in order to regulate the emotions
- Ritual – The person engages in rituals associated with the addictive behavior
- Using – The person succumbs to the craving and uses the substance
- Guilt – After indulging in the substance, the person feels guilty about being unable to control their behavior
There is also an addiction cycle for process addictions. In a process addiction, the emotional trigger is not subdued by a substance. Instead, it is subdued by the chemicals produced by the brain during a cycle of emotional aggression.
The steps of the Process Addiction Cycle are as follows:
- Emotional Trigger – There is a problem with emotional regulation that triggers the craving cycle
- Craving – In the case of a process addiction, due to the emotional difficulty, the individual begins to crave or desire to act in an emotionally aggressive way in order to regulate the emotions that triggered the cycle
- Automatic Processes (Ritual) – The person engages in rituals associated with the cycle of emotional aggression
- Emotional Aggression (Using) – The person succumbs to the craving and acts out in an emotionally aggressive way
- Guilt – After indulging in an episode of emotional aggression, the person feels guilty about being unable to control their behavior
In a process addiction, the emotional trigger is ‘regulated’ by engaging in emotional aggression. But this tendency to indulge in emotional aggression is a short-term fix with damaging long-term consequences. Indulging in the cycle leads to damaged or broken relationships, which then cause the need to indulge in the cycle even more. The guilt caused by an act of emotional aggression is usually enough to trigger another emotional response, which then leads to even more emotionally aggressive acting out.
We’ve already discussed the idea of primary vs. secondary emotions, in which the secondary emotion is the emotion that it is safe to express. The key to stopping the Process Addiction Cycle is in finding the primary emotions that start the cycle. Once they have been identified, it becomes easier to acknowledge them without feeling the need to indulge in the craving by responding in emotionally aggressive ways.
By identifying the primary emotions that serve as triggers, we can choose not to act in emotionally aggressive ways. We may instead use our mindful skills to sit quietly with those feelings in the present moment, reminding ourselves that there is no need to ‘do’ anything in order to make the feeling go away. If we are able to sit quietly with the feeling until it subsides, we have learned how to simply ‘be.’