Living in the Now means leaving Doing Mode and entering Being Mode. In Being Mode we learn that there is no past, there is no future. There is only this present moment. Living in the Now means allowing yourself to be in the moment in which you find yourself…here and now.

5.0 You are not Your Mind

“I think, therefore I am.” – Rene Descartes

The philosopher Descartes summed up Western thought in a nutshell with his famous statement. Western modes of thought have convinced us that we are what we think. Most of our mental suffering in life comes from the concept that we are our thoughts and feelings. In fact, I would go so far as to say that all of our mental suffering is in the mind, by definition.

But what if we are not our thoughts?

Beginning students of mindfulness often assume that one of the goals of mindful meditation is to stop thinking. This is an oversimplification of the practice of mindful meditation, but let’s suppose for a moment that it is true.

Imagine yourself sitting down to have a mindful meditation. You empty your mind and start focusing on your breathing. After a few moments pass, you have a thought. Perhaps it’s a thought like, “Why am I wasting time doing this? I have other things to do!”

As soon as you have the thought, you become aware of it, and say to yourself, “Oh no, I had a thought.”

So which part of you is it that recognized that you had a thought? It can’t be your thoughts that recognized that you had a thought, because your thoughts were, “Why am I wasting time doing this? I have other things to do!”

So the part of you that recognized that you had a thought could not have been your thoughts themselves, because that’s the thing that you were recognizing: Your thoughts.

So if the thing that recognizes my thoughts isn’t my thoughts, what is it?

In mindfulness, we call this thought-recognizer the internal observer. In Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy, we call the internal observer the True Self.

This internal observation by the True Self teaches us that if we are having anxious thoughts and feelings, or depressing thoughts and feelings, or stressful thoughts and feelings, those thoughts and feelings are just that: Thoughts and feelings. They are not good or bad, or true or false, unless we choose to believe that they are. We don’t have to identify with them unless we choose to do so.

The True Self is the internal mechanism that allows us to recognize that thoughts and feelings are only thoughts and feelings. They are not who we are unless we decide to let them be who we are. So if I’m having anxious thoughts, I am not an anxious person. I am simply a person who is, for a time, having anxious thoughts. If I’m having depressing thoughts, I am not a depressed person. I’m just a person who is, right now, having depressing thoughts. If I am having cravings, I am not an addict. I’m just a person who is, for the moment, having addiction cravings.

If we so desire, we can engage that internal observer called the True Self for a time to observe and describe thoughts and feelings to ourselves without having to become those thoughts and feelings. This is because we are not our minds. We are something more.

5.1 Thought Streams: The River

Imagine that your thoughts and feelings are like a river. The river is always flowing, ever changing. In this river of the mind, sometimes positive thoughts float to the top, and sometimes negative thoughts float to the top. If we find ourselves in a spot on the river where those negative thoughts are floating to the top, our goal isn’t to stop the river by trying to dam it up. If we try to dam up the river, the water will only continue to back up behind the dam until either the dam bursts or the water overflows.

This is what happens when people have panic attacks or “nervous breakdowns.” The water behind the dam has no place to go, and it eventually builds up until a catastrophe happens.

Trying to stop negative thoughts and feelings by damming up the river isn’t the answer, since it could lead to catastrophe. So how do we deal with such thoughts?

What if there was an alternative to trying to stop the river by building a dam across it?

If we find ourselves at a place on the river where those negative thoughts are flowing to the top, we can consciously decide not to drown in the river by choosing instead to get out of the river, sit on the riverbank, and watch those thoughts and feelings flow by.

When we make this choice, the river is still flowing. We haven’t tried to dam it up. We’re just not swimming in it. From our viewpoint on the banks of the river, we can watch those thoughts and feelings flow by without being carried downstream. Using our powers of observing and describing, we can acknowledge the river’s presence without being at the river’s mercy.

5.2 Upstream and Downstream Thoughts

In our analogy of the river, the thing that makes it flow from Point A to Point B is the presence of time. The sage has said, “You can’t step twice on the same piece of water.” This is because the water is always changing from moment to moment.  

Imagine yourself standing in a gently flowing river. This is a river of the mind. Upstream, the past spreads out behind you. Downstream, the river flows into the future. To return to the past would involve wading upstream against the current. To visit the future would require swimming downstream with the tide.

Suppose you tried to wade upstream or swim downstream. Once you got to your new location, the past would still lie behind you upstream relative to where you are now. Likewise, the future would still lie downstream ahead of you.

No matter which direction you move, you will always find yourself right here, right now, in the river.

Imagine yourself turning now to face upstream, towards the past. You already know what lies behind you. There may be rocky shoals and rapids behind you. There may even be high waterfalls and boulders. But the fact that you are standing right now at this place and this time in the river means that you survived the journey. Regardless of what lies behind you on the river, you have made it this far. This means that you are a survivor! You have met the challenges on the river and have gotten to where you are today.

Now turn to face downstream. This part of the river is unknown to you. You haven’t ventured there yet. There is no way of knowing whether more rapids lie ahead, or whether there is smooth sailing for the rest of the journey. You might try to make educated guesses as to what the downstream journey might be, based on the parts of the river you have already traveled, but there is no way to know with any certainty whether or not those guesses are correct. Rivers can suddenly change, and if you spend all your time worrying about what lies downstream, you miss the moment in which you find yourself. Worrying too much about what might lie downstream takes energy away from enjoying the pleasant experience of the river here and now.

Even if the worst happens, and we encounter catastrophes downstream, the choice to remain in the river is still ours. We can, at any time, make the conscious choice to step outside of the river for a while to watch it flow by.

We can’t know what lies downstream, but we can prepare ourselves for it. We can’t change the river, but we can change ourselves in order to increase the likelihood of a safe journey.

Life is like a river. When we learn to go with the flow, we decrease our chances of running aground.

Optional Activity: The River

If you have the opportunity, find a gently flowing river near you. This should be a river where the water isn’t flowing too rapidly, and where the water isn’t too deep. Remember, safety first! This should be a river you know well, and it’s best not to do this activity alone.

Once you have found your river, go out into it. Don’t go any deeper than your waist. It’s preferable to find a spot on the river where nature surrounds you.

Now stand in the river and do a little mindful breathing. Inhale and exhale deeply for at least three breaths. Ground and center yourself.

Now cultivate an open and accepting attitude towards everything you are experiencing. What do you see? What do you hear? Can you feel the river’s currents with your body? Are there pleasant aromas on the breeze? Enjoy the experience of being in the river right here, and right now.

When you feel at peace with your surroundings, take a mental snapshot of all you have experienced here in the river. Mentally record the river in as much detail as possible. When you have done so, you may recall and retrieve this experience the next time you are feeling stressed out.

When you are ready, leave the river and sit on the riverbank while thinking over these questions:

  1. Once you were grounded and centered, did you find yourself thinking about what lies upstream or what lies downstream, or neither?
  2. Once you were grounded and centered, did you find your mind wandering to your mental “to do” list of daily activities?
  3. What was it about the river that made this experience different than your day-to-day life?
  4. Is there a way to carry this experience with you into your day-to-day life?

5.3 Time is an Illusion

By the time you finish reading this sentence, the experience of reading it will lie in the past. At which point does the present become the past? Now? How about now?

How about never?

Where exactly does the past lie, anyway? Once you have finished reading this sentence, the only place it will exist is in your memory. This means that all of your past experiences, all of those journeys you have already taken, only exist in what you remember about them. The past is a product of the mind.

Let’s turn to the future now. Without turning the page, do you know what lies ahead in this book? You may have read the table of contents, so you might have a general idea of what is to come, but can you, without turning the page, tell me what the fifth word of the second paragraph on the next page is?

Of course not, because you haven’t experienced it yet.

One aspect of crystal ball thinking (see Section 2.3) is that such thinking tries to predict the future. We are quite good at crystal ball thinking. This is because crystal ball thinking helps us to plan for the future. Without a little planning and prediction, we never make any progress. If I don’t plan to make the house payment, I may not have a house in the future. If I don’t plan to eat today, and the next day, and the next, I might eventually starve to death.

But there is a difference between planning and catastrophizing. Catastrophizing involves focusing our attention only on the bad things that might happen in the future. I sometimes refer to it as musturbating, because it often takes the form of phrases like, “I must do this,” or “I must not do this.”

The difference between planning and catastrophizing is that planning involves setting concrete, measurable goals for the future while catastrophizing often ends in a storm of musterbation. Planning is a way of relieving anxiety, not of causing it. So if you’re feeling anxious while planning, you’re probably musturbating.

If you find yourself anxious when planning about the future, check to see if you are catastrophizing. Planning for the future is a way of anticipating negative outcomes and preparing for them so they don’t catch you unprepared further down the river. It is a way of relieving anxiety by minimizing future catastrophes. When planning for the future, watch out for statements that focus on negative outcomes rather than positive ones. This doesn’t mean that you cannot anticipate and plan for negative outcomes. If it did, nobody would ever buy health insurance! What it means is that you’re planning for negative outcomes in order to prevent or guard against them. When discussing possible negative outcomes during planning, it is as a means of having positive outcomes at a later time.

What if we do find ourselves catastrophizing? How do we escape it?

It’s called “crystal ball thinking” for a reason. Unless you have a crystal ball, you cannot know the future with any certainty. This can be a scary proposition for people who have experienced catastrophes in the past, but if I find myself anticipating further disasters in the future, that possible future only exists in my mind. It is just as likely that something good might happen in the future. But if I’ve set my perception filter to only anticipate and look for bad outcomes, will I see a positive opportunity even if it presents itself?

Our perception filters only exist in our minds. The good news is that we are in charge of how those filters are set. We can choose which events in our lives to pay attention to.

The past only exists in memory, and the future is just an educated guess about what may or may not happen further downstream. Both past and future are nothing but products of the mind. We can consciously choose in the now which thoughts and feelings about past or future to give our energy to. When we do so, we are living in the now.

When we have anxiety, stress or depression, it is almost inevitably because we are dwelling on the past or on the future. As you read this sentence, are you having any stressful thoughts or feelings? If so, how many of those stressful thoughts or feelings are about what is going on right now, as you read this? How many of them are the result of things that happened in the past, or how many may or may not happen in the future?

To dwell on memories of the past, or projections of memory onto the future, is to be trapped by the mind. In the now, we can escape the mind trap and make conscious decisions on how much attention to give to those thoughts and memories. When we escape the mind trap, we step outside of time to the now. Here in the now, the past and the future cannot touch us unless we choose to let them.

In the now, we recognize that time is just the mind’s way of keeping everything from happening at once. Once we grasp the concept that time is just an illusion, we are free to connect with our True Self.

5.4 Reality and the Now

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” –Phillip K. Dick

As we discussed in the previous section, the past only exists in memory, and the future is just a projection of our memories. This means that both the past and the future only exist in our memories. The present moment is always becoming the past as we continue to move forward in time, and the future is always becoming the now as we continue to move forward in time.

Is time real? If the past and the future are products of memory and projections of the mind, do they have any real existence outside of this present moment? If so, how? Can a thing exist only in memory?  If the past and the future are just imagined experiences created by the mind, then we are free in the now to create different experiences.

If there is any such thing as real time, then it can only exist right here, right now. If there is any such thing as free will, then it too can only exist right here and right now. This is because the past is gone, and the future is not here yet. We cannot travel back in time and exercise our free will about conscious choices in the past, because it no longer exists. Likewise, we cannot travel forward in time to choices that have not presented themselves yet because the future isn’t here yet.

But here in the now, we can make choices. Here we may exercise our free will to believe anything we want about the future…or the past. That is because this present moment is all that is real.

 5.5 Creating Sacred Space

The original meaning of the word “sacred” was “set apart.” A sacred thing is a thing that is set apart from ordinary everyday living. It is a place for quiet contemplation and meditation. Many aboriginal people believed that time and space are not separate. This was and is especially true of sacred spaces. The stone circles in Europe were aligned to mark the passage of time. For the early Europeans time was measured in sacred places. The perception of time is therefore linked to space.

In the observation of many tribal rituals throughout the world, people believed that to enter sacred space was to step outside of time. This is the essence of living in the now. It is the ability to leave the time stream for a moment. Once inside sacred space, we may embrace the timelessness of being.

From a psychological perspective, setting aside a sacred space allows you to enter that space, step outside of time, and do your own work of contemplating the essence of being. If you have a special place set aside for this activity, and only for this activity, then entering it puts you in a special state of mind. Psychologists call this situation-specific learning. If your sacred space becomes associated in your mind with relaxation, meditation and contemplation, then after a while simply entering your sacred space will put you into a meditative state.

If you are fortunate enough to have access to a natural place that calls to you, you may make it your own by placing symbols and signs there that mean something to you. My own sacred space is marked by statuary and wind chimes. The gentle music of the chimes lends itself well to contemplation. When I am at home with the windows open, sometimes the wind blows through the trees, stirring the chimes. When this happens I am instantly reminded of my sacred space and the peace I find there. Even if I am busy working at the computer, the music of the chimes reminds me for a moment of the happy times I have spent in my sacred space in meditation.

If you don’t have access to an outdoor place to create your own sacred space, you can create one indoors. Set up a small table somewhere in a corner of your home. Cover it with things that help you to achieve a meditative state. You may use candles, incense, house plants, or pictures of nature scenes or loved ones. You can use anything that might help you to connect with your True Self.

If you’re out walking in the woods, you may come upon a place that calls to you. Stop there and meditate for a while. If this place is particularly meaningful for you, you may mark it for others by making a small pile of stones. This has been a tradition of mine for decades now, and when we do Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy workshops, students often do this. Coming upon a small pile of stones left by another can be a powerful way to connect yourself to others who have walked the path. It also allows you the opportunity to be in a sacred space that has been enjoyed by others before you.

Whether your sacred space is indoors or outdoors, it can be a useful place for finding your center and connecting with your True Self.

5.6 Being in the Now: Coyote Walk

Mindful meditation is usually pictured as sitting quietly, legs crossed, while focusing on the breath. While this is one way of meditating, it is not the only way. One of the lessons of Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy is that we may meditate anywhere, at any time. As long as we are living in the now by paying attention to what our senses are telling us in the moment, we can be said to be engaged in mindful meditation.

This means that we may engage in any activity in a mindful way.

A common exercise to perform in a mindful manner is an activity called mindful walking. The basic process of mindful walking is to walk while focusing on the physical sensations of the process of walking by shifting energy from the thinking cycle to the cycle of sensations. What do my leg muscles feel like as I walk? Can I feel my diaphragm as I breathe? What sights do I see as I walk? What do I hear? What aromas are in the air?

The Coyote Walk is a way to practice mindful walking. To practice this technique, first picture how a coyote walks. She places her paws one in front of the other so that she makes as little noise as possible. She experiences here environment largely through her sense of smell, pausing here and there to read her environment before moving on. If she spots something of interest, she stops for a while to investigate. She is open to what her senses tell her, but at the same time she approaches life with a playful attitude.

In coyote lore from native peoples around the world, the coyote represents the Trickster. She is seen as cunning and wise, and willing to use deception as a teaching tool.

The Coyote teaches us how wisdom is the twin of foolishness. In the antics of others, we see our own foolishness and we learn from their mistakes. Coyote teaches through humor and the ability to laugh at life’s absurdities and ironies. Coyote strips away the masks we all wear so that we may get to the truth underneath all the fronts that we put on for others and for ourselves.

Coyote energy is reflected in the phrase, “Simplicity is perfection.” She teaches us to learn to distinguish what we need from what we want. Coyote won’t give us everything we want, but she will lead us to everything we need.

The howl of the coyote stirs something primitive and passionate in our souls, and reminds us to return to the place of the beginning: That childlike sense of wonder and fascination with the beauty of the world.

Coyote is a survivor, and is able to adapt to new situations by learning to bend and flow. The Way of the Coyote is to understand that all things are sacred, yet nothing is sacred. If you have any sacred cows in our life, coyote will be sure to devour them.

Coyote is also a strong protector of family. Coyotes often mate for life, and will fiercely defend mate and cubs. Coyotes will often adopt cubs who have become parentless. They realize that family is not always a matter of blood, but of spirit.

Coyote teaches by becoming a mirror. Coyote’s tricks and jokes reflect our own folly back at us until we realize what is happening and learn from it…if we are fortunate enough to realize what is going on. Coyote will continue to hold a mirror up until we learn to see our true ourselves or until we become so angry and frustrated that we lose our way.

Coyote’s humor also teaches us that what we do to others, we ultimately do to ourselves. She teaches us we reap what we sow. She teaches us to look for things we may have been avoiding or refusing to acknowledge in our own lives. This sometimes manifests in strange ways. Look at what you criticize the most in others, and see if you have those same characteristics.

Coyotes tend to spend all of their energy caring for others. They would do well to remember to take some time and energy for themselves also. Those who don’t understand coyote’s ways are often angered or alienated by the mirror because they don’t wish to acknowledge what it shows them about themselves. So sometimes the way of the coyote can be a lonely way.

When you are in touch with your own coyote archetype, look closely at ways you may have been giving energy to foolishness. This is especially true in relationships, since we often fool ourselves in relationships, and refuse to see what is plain to everyone else.

Remember that coyote’s ultimate goal is not to anger or frustrate, but to teach. In order for coyote to teach, we have to be willing to learn.

To perform the Coyote Walk, first go to an outdoor place, weather permitting, and find a spot where you may walk undisturbed for at least thirty minutes. When you have found your place, stand with your feet about shoulder-width apart. Now ground and center yourself while contemplating the energy in the archetype of the coyote described above. Feel yourself becoming the coyote. Take the coyote energy into yourself and begin to walk, placing one foot in front of the other as quietly as possible. To do this, it may help to visualize a straight line drawn on the ground. Imagine your feet touching that line with every step.

Continue to walk, remaining open to the sensations of your feet as they rise and fall, to the sensations of your breathing, and to all of the information your senses are giving you about the immediate environment. Don’t stare at your feet, but instead look around you so that you may experience the environment to the fullest.

When you have completed this exercise, go on to answer the questions on the Coyote Walk.

Coyote Walk Meditation


Coyote Walk

Complete the Coyote Walk exercise from Section 5.6 of the Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy Workbook before answering the questions below:

When you took the coyote energy into yourself by getting in touch with your coyote archetype, what did you notice about yourself? Did you feel any differently? If so, how?

During your walk, did coyote hold up a mirror to you? If so, what did you see in it?

Coyote Walk Meditation
Coyote

Did you like what you saw in the mirror? If so, describe it. If not, how might you change it?

Did coyote show you any ways you might be tricking or fooling yourself? If so, what were they?

Did coyote show you any ways you might be tricking or fooling others? If so, what were they?

Did coyote show you anything you might like to change about yourself? If so, what was it, and how might you change it?

Did the Coyote Walk change your perception of time? If so, how?

Would the Coyote Walk be a useful tool to help you live in the now? If so, how? If not, why not?

5.7 Wherever You Go, There You Are

One of the lessons of coyote is that we cannot escape ourselves. We all have a dark side. We cannot escape this dark side because it is a part of us. Coyote teaches us that if we ignore our darker natures, we will be consumed by our darker natures. But if we are able to acknowledge our darker and more chaotic tendencies, we have taken the first step towards controlling them. When coyote places us before the mirror, it’s up to us what to do with what she shows us.

Coyote’s lesson is that there is no such thing as a “bad” feeling. What may or may not be “bad” is the behavior that comes after the feeling. By acknowledging our more chaotic feelings we learn that just because we are having feelings, we don’t have to act on them. By living in the now, we learn that feelings are just feelings.

Who are you really? Who is this internal observer known as the True Self?

Let’s do a thought experiment to discover the nature of this entity. Think about what makes you, you. Right now you are looking at this page through your own eyes. Right now your senses are experiencing the sights, sounds, smells, and other sensations of your immediate environment. You are observing the world through your own perspective. The sum total of everything you have experienced up until this moment is contained within your head.

Now let’s suppose it were possible to make an exact clone of you. This clone is your age and has all of your memories and experiences. For all practical purposes this clone is identical to you in every way. Once this clone is created, would you continue to see the world through your own eyes, or would you begin to see the world through the clone’s eyes? Where is our point of view? With you or the clone?

Obviously you would continue to see the world from your own perspective, even though the clone was an exact, identical copy of you.

So what is it that makes you unique? The clone is an exact copy of you in every way except one: The way in which your clone views the world. The clone has his or her own point of view, their own perspective, on the world, just as you have your own.

What does this mean? It means you have your own unique perspective on the world, and that perspective is not a product of blood, bone, sinew, or neurons. Since your clone would be an exact replica of all of your biological and neurological functions, yet you would still see the world from your own head and not your clone’s head, this True Self cannot be solely a product of biology and material existence. It is something different. It is something eternal. It is something that is not dependent on time or matter.

It is your own internal observer. It is your own True Self.

5.8 Experiential Avoidance

We’re very good at trying to avoid experiences we don’t like. If we’re depressed or stressed, we often engage in a host of activities designed to help us avoid experiencing those feelings. The problem is that our experiential avoidance tends to make things worse instead of better. We often try to tell ourselves, “Just don’t think about it, and it will go away.” This amounts to telling ourselves, “Try to stop having thoughts.” The problem is that “trying” is thinking, so trying not to have thoughts is having thoughts.

When this dynamic occurs, we are playing a game without end. If I tell myself to try to stop thinking, and then I’m not able to stop thinking, this adds even more stress to the situation because my strategy was unsuccessful. So I try even harder to stop thinking, and I’m even more unsuccessful at it.

When we tell ourselves to stop thinking or stop feeling, we are attempting to push those thoughts and feelings away, and quite often this attempt to push those thoughts and feelings away is the very thing that makes them stay.

This tendency to try to stop thinking about thoughts and feelings is called experiential avoidance because we’re trying to avoid the experience of stressful thoughts and feeling like depression or anxiety.

In Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy, we come to realize that our thoughts and feelings are a part of us, and we therefore don’t have to avoid them. But we also don’t have to give more energy to them than they are due. When we give them energy by trying not to think or trying not to feel, we are feeding the bad wolf (see section 0.4).

Instead of feeding the bad wolf, we can instead choose to thank it for protecting us and send it on its way. Eventually it will go away on its own. Even if it does not, we have befriended it so that it is no longer a danger.

To explore experiential avoidance, complete the exercise on the next page.

Experiential Avoidance

Think about some of the thoughts and feelings you’ve tried to get rid of in the past, then answer the following questions:

The thoughts I’d most like to get rid of are:

The feelings I’d most like to get rid of are:

The behaviors I’d most like to get rid of are:

The memories I’d most like to get rid of are:

Now that you’ve created your list, look at the list of strategies below for avoiding experiences. Place a check mark by each strategy you’ve ever used in an effort to get rid of the thoughts, feelings, behaviors and memories that you listed on the previous page.

  • Worrying about it
  • Trying not to think about it
  • Trying to distract myself
  • Staying busy
  • Finding other things to do
  • Dwelling on the past
  • Catastrophizing about the future
  • Fantasizing about escaping the situation (e.g. quitting your job, leaving your spouse, etc.)
  • Imagining revenge
  • Imagining suicide
  • Thinking “Life’s not fair”
  • Thinking “I must” or “I must not”
  • Thinking “I should have” or “I would have” or “I could have”
  • Second-guessing past decisions
  • Anticipating future problems
  • Blaming myself
  • Shaming myself
  • Guilt-tripping myself
  • Blaming others
  • Shaming others
  • Guilt-tripping others
  • Blaming the world
  • Substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.)
  • Overeating, or not eating, as a method of stress relief
  • Addictive behaviors (gambling, worrying, being depressed, “woe is me” pity parties)
  • Other: ______________________________________________________________________

Now ask yourself:

  1. Did any of these strategies work in the long run?
  2. Did any of these strategies actually make the things worse instead of better?
  3. If you were able to live in the “now” of existence, instead of in the mind trap, how many of the things you were trying to get rid of would still be a problem?

Think of one thing from the list that you would like to get rid of Go outside to your own sacred space, ground and center, and just allow yourself to experience the thing you were trying to get rid of. Open yourself completely to the experience in the present moment, without assumptions about the past or expectations about the future. Just be in the now with the thing you were trying to get rid of.

Did this change your experience? By accepting it instead of trying to avoid it, do you look at it in a different way? What did being in your sacred space add to the experience, if anything?

Two wolves live in each of us…the “good” wolf and the “bad wolf.” The one that wins is the one you feed.

5.9 Befriending the Bad Wolf

Let’s revisit the idea of the good wolf vs. the bad wolf. If you need to refresh your memory about the story, return to Section 0.4 and read it again before continuing.

There are things that you are consciously aware of, and there are things that you are not consciously aware of.  These functions are regulated by a part of your body called the autonomic nervous system.

The autonomic nervous system is further divided into two major parts: The sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system is in charge of your fight, flight or freeze responses. It is the part that is activated when you are stressed. When it is triggered your heart rate increases, your blood pressure rises, and your adrenaline starts flowing. It is the “bad wolf” that gets fed when we give in to thought and feeling cycles that produce anxiety or stress.

The parasympathetic nervous system, on the other hand, is responsible for calming you down after the danger has passed. When it is activated, your body stops pumping adrenaline. Your heart and respiration slow down, and tranquility returns. This is the “good wolf” we feed when we dwell on positive thoughts and feelings.

Both parts of the autonomic nervous system are necessary. While it’s nice to feel calm and relaxed, there are times when we need to have the adrenaline pumping. If you’re being chased by a bear, it’s usually not a good time to lie down and take a nap! The sympathetic nervous system protects us by preparing us to either fight or escape from the danger.

So the “bad wolf” of the sympathetic nervous system serves a useful purpose.

The problem is that the bad wolf, or the sympathetic nervous system, evolved long before civilization. Back then the dangers one might face on a day-to-day basis were more of a very real and physical nature. This bad wolf part of us evolved to keep us safe when predators attacked. But now we live in the modern world where the dangers are not so obvious. If the boss yells at me at work, it’s highly doubtful that his intention is to tear me to shreds (unless it’s in a metaphorical sense, of course), yet the bad wolf of the sympathetic nervous system still gets triggered. This is because it only has three ways it can respond: Fight, flee or freeze. It doesn’t know the difference between a metaphorical threat and an actual physical danger. It doesn’t know the difference between the boss yelling and a bear growling and charging.

So whether the boss is yelling or a predator is stalking, the sympathetic nervous system has the same response. It’s going to gear up to fight, flee for freeze.

The reason for this is that the sympathetic nervous system’s job is to protect us. But since it doesn’t know the difference between the boss and a predator, its response to both situations is exactly the same. To further complicate matters, if I try to demand that the bad wolf stop what it’s doing, it’s going to see me as a threat as well. The more I tell the bad wolf to calm down, stop thinking about it, or to stop feeling, the more threatening I am to the bad wolf. He’s just trying to do his job, and I’m trying to stop him.

Experiential avoidance is one way we often try to keep the bad wolf from doing his job. If we choose to avoid the messages we’re getting from the bad wolf, the bad wolf sees it as a threat, and responds with even more adrenaline in preparation for fighting or fleeing. When this happens, we are feeding the bad wolf.

What if, instead of trying to prevent the bad wolf from doing its job, we turn to it and thank it?

Remember, the bad wolf is just trying to protect us. It doesn’t mean us any harm. It’s just nature’s way of keeping us safe. When the bad wolf of the sympathetic nervous system gets triggered, we can thank him (or her) for doing the job it was designed to do. Next time your bad wolf is triggered, try saying this to yourself, while picturing yourself addressing the bad wolf:

“I hear you. I understand that you are trying to protect me, and I thank you for it, but I am no longer in danger. I release you from your duty. You are free to go now.”

You may need to repeat this several times, like a mantra, until the bad wolf returns to a calmer state.

When you thank the bad wolf in his manner, you engage the parasympathetic nervous system’s calming power. The bad wolf sees that there is no more danger, and doesn’t see you or the situation as a threat any longer. When this happens, the bad wolf feels it has done its job and is free to go.

What does the bad wolf have to do with living in the now?

The only moment that is real, the only moment that you can own, is this present one. You can’t own the past, and you can’t own the future. The bad wolf is trying to protect you from something that it sees as a danger in the future. But here right now, in this present moment, the danger has not yet arrived. Here right now, in this present moment, the past is over and done.

This means that if we are having stressful or depressing thoughts or feelings, those experiences are only happening in the mind. They are only the bad wolf barking, and warning us of what it perceives to be danger. Since those experiences are just thoughts and feelings, and not real dangers, we can choose to sit quietly with them in the present moment, without having to do anything to fix them. In being mode, in the now, we can befriend the bad wolf, heeding its warning without having to give it more attention and energy than it deserves.

5.10 True Self and the Now

When we are able to live in the now of existence, we are able to recognize that we are not our minds. We are something different. All of our upstream thoughts about the past and downstream thoughts about the future are illusions, just as time is an illusion.  The only reality we have, the only reality we can experience, is right here in the now, in this present moment.

When we come to this knowledge there is no need to avoid unpleasant thoughts and unpleasant feelings, because we can recognize them as illusory products of the mind trap. When we befriend the bad wolf of our sympathetic nervous system, it frees us from the need to avoid unpleasant thoughts and unpleasant feelings because we can see them for what they are. They are not malicious or evil processes. They are just the bad wolf trying to protect us from danger.

When we come to the understanding, in the present moment, that thoughts and feelings are just processes of the mind, and not who we are, we are able to live in True Self in the now of existence.