Do you remember a time when you knew exactly who you were, what you wanted to be, and where your life was going? When you do something that isn’t healthy for you, or make a mistake, which part of you is it that recognizes the mistake? What part of you is it that holds the highest dreams and aspirations for your life? Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy (MBE) recognizes that part of you as your True Self. The ultimate goal of Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy (MBE) is to realize your True Self, and to live in it.

12.0 Per Ardua ad Astra

I was born the year after the United States entered the space race, in 1959. My childhood was spent watching rocket launches and lunar landings. Television and movies of the time were filled with spacemen exploring strange new worlds and seeking out new life and new civilization. More than anything else, I wanted to join them and to be an astronaut when I grew up.

Then I had my first eye exam.

It turns out that I had an astigmatism. Astronauts have to have perfect vision, so at the ripe old age of nine years old, when men were walking on the moon for the first time, I was told that I had no chance of being an astronaut.

I was depressed about it for several years, until I decided that there was no use beating myself up over a minor twist of fate. So instead I asked myself what it was about being an astronaut that was attractive to me, and what other careers might offer the same or similar experiences.

The answer I came up with was that it was the adventure of seeing places and things that nobody had ever seen before that made being an astronaut so desirable. So would it be possible to do that here on Earth?

The next step was to think about what sorts of careers might give me the chance to be an explorer. I examined several possibilities before deciding to major in Experimental Psychology. The idea of discovering things about the mind that no one had ever experienced before excited me even more than the idea of walking on the moon!

The final skill of Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy is living in True Self. My experience with having to change career directions very early in life taught me to look behind the mask to find the meaning. I thought that being an astronaut was the only way to live in my own True Self, until that option was no longer available to me.  But after a little soul searching I found a career that was even more exciting.

In this session we will discuss what it truly means to live in True Self, and how to find all of the characteristics and traits that make us who we are. We’ll also talk about how to dig a little deeper to find the meaning behind the masks we wear with others and with ourselves.

12.1 Mindful Awareness of the True Self

Ponder this phrase for a moment: “I truly love myself.”

What sort of feelings did that sentence generate? What sort of thoughts? Sometimes we get caught up in the idea that loving ourselves is somehow selfish or egotistical. But let’s think about that for a moment. If you don’t love yourself, is it really fair of you to expect anybody else to love you? Not only that, but if you don’t love yourself, and you’re in a relationship with someone who loves you, eventually you might find yourself thinking along these lines, either consciously or unconsciously:

“I don’t really love myself, yet this person says they love me. If I don’t love myself, yet this person says they love me, then there must be something wrong with him/her! How could a ‘normal’ person love someone like me, when I can’t even love me?”

Of course, the above paragraph is exaggerated just a bit, but there is some truth to it from time to time. If you don’t really love yourself, then you can’t really show others how to love you in the way you’d like to be loved.

12.2 Personal Truths

Think back to the image of your True Self that you have been creating since you began this course. Take off all the masks you present to the rest of the world, and ask yourself, “Who am I, really?” Be as honest as possible when answering this question.

The purpose of the exercise in the next section is to discover your personal truths. Personal truths are the unwritten rules we have chosen to live our lives by. Some examples of personal truths would be:

“I am a creative person”

“I care about those around me”

“My relationships end in disaster”

Think about your own personal truths for a moment before going on to the next page. This should be an open and honest “warts and all” assessment that includes all of your thoughts about yourself and your own identity. List both your positive qualities and negative qualities.

It may help to center yourself first by taking a few deep breaths, and to ground yourself by stating a few personal affirmations. If necessary, try a little basic mindful meditation before looking deeply inside of yourself to discover your personal truths. When you feel you are ready, go on to the next page and complete the exercise there.

My Personal Truths

What are some of the personal truths by which you live your life? List as many as you feel necessary in the space below. Use extra paper if needed:

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In what positive ways have your personal truths helped you to live the life you want to live? List them below:

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In what ways have your own personal truths hindered you from living up to your own potential? From living the life you would like to lead?

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In what ways could you change your personal truths to help you to live up to your own full potential? List those changes below:

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12.3 Turning Negatives into Positives

What did you learn about yourself in the previous exercise? Were you surprised by anything you learned?

Now go back to your list of personal truths, and put a check mark beside the ones that are helpful. Circle the ones that are less helpful. Take the less helpful ones, the ones you have circled, and try to change them into more positive personal truths in the space below. For example, one of the personal truths you listed might say, “All my relationships end in disaster.”

A more positive way of stating this might be: “In the past, I’ve had relationships that have disappointed me, but I choose to learn from my mistakes and move on so that I may grow as a person.”

A few pointers to look for while rephrasing these statements:

Try to avoid rephrasing in ways that are global, external, and permanent. A global statement is one that is true in all situations at all times.

An example of global thinking would be, “I am an unlovable person.” A better way to phrase it might be, “I am a lovable person who sometimes does unlovable things.”

An external statement would be one in which your personal truth is derived from circumstances which are beyond your control; i.e., things external to you. An example would be, “People treat me with disrespect.”

While this may be true on occasion, you really have no control over how other people treat you. The behavior of others is an external event beyond your control. What you can control is how you react to the way you are treated. One way to rephrase the above statement would be, “I can’t help the way others treat me, but I can change the way I react to them.”

A permanent statement is one that assumes that this is the way things have always been, and this is the way they will always be. An example would be, “I can’t help it, that’s just the way I am.” One possible way to rephrase that statement would be, “I’ve usually reacted a certain way in the past, but I am in control of my life, and from this moment forward, I choose to react in a different manner this time and every time in the future so that I may get different results.”

Think about your circled responses from the previous page, then go on to the next exercise, Positive Affirmations of My Personal Truths.

Rephrase all of your circled responses on the next page so that they are positive affirmations rather than negative ones. Remember to keep away from global, external, and permanent thinking.

Positive Affirmations of My Personal Truths

Rephrase any circled responses from the previous exercise, My Personal Truths, so that they are more helpful to you in achieving the life you would like to live:

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Was this exercise difficult for you? Why or why not?

Did you notice any recurring themes? Were these themes positive or negative?

How could you adapt more positive personal truths to help you live the life you would like to live?

12.4 Radical Acceptance of the True Self

You can never love another until you truly love yourself. The first step in learning to love yourself is to truly accept who you are. The first step in learning to accept who you are is to accept yourself with all your perceived flaws and imperfections, but also with all your good qualities. Give yourself permission to make mistakes once in a while.

It’s been said, “When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.” The idea here is that each mistake can be an opportunity for learning and growth. The Positive Affirmations of My Personal Truths exercise is a way to turn perceived negative qualities about yourself into positive personal truths.

Now go back to all the personal truths you placed a check mark by on the My Personal Truths page. Add those to the ones you rephrased from the Positive Affirmations of My Personal Truths page. The list you’ve created is a basic sketch of your True Self. One way to look at your True Self is to accept that your True Self is the person inside of you that feels loved by others, and feels loved by you. When problems arise in our lives, it is usually because we have lost sight of our True Selves, so it is important to know who we really are and what we really want.

The way this often plays out in relationships, is that we sometimes become so involved with the other person that we give up our True Selves in the process. Think back on any negative relationships you may have had in the past. Did you give up a part of your True Self in an effort to sustain that relationship? If so, how did that turn out?

Healthy relationships do not require that we sacrifice who we really are for the sake of another. We can compromise with our partners or other loved ones, but that compromise should never come at the cost of a part of ourselves, especially if we are living in True Self. One way to prevent this from happening is to ask yourself, “Am I doing this because this is what I want to do, or am I doing it because I’m afraid I’ll lose this person if I don’t?”

It’s one thing to do things for another person because you want to do it; it is quite another thing to do things for another person because you feel obligated to do it. One way to tell the difference between doing it because you want to and doing it because you have to is to ask yourself, “Would I feel guilty if I didn’t do this?”

If the answer to this question is, “yes,” then it is likely that the other person has asked you to step outside of your True Self and do something out of character for you.

Before going on to the next section, find a mirror. It’s better to have a full-length mirror for this exercise, but if you don’t have one available, a hand-held mirror will work. This exercise will work even better if you have access to a calm reflecting pool of water somewhere outdoors.

Look into the mirror, and on the next page, describe what you see when you look at yourself. Pay attention to details, and list as many as you can.

Optional Activity:  Vision Quest

The Vision Quest is a time-honored rite of passage common to shamanic tribes throughout the world. It is used to determine life’s purpose.

The Vision Quest may take on many forms, but for this optional activity we will be using the form of the all-night vigil.

If you choose to do this activity, first find a place that calls out to you. It may be your sacred space, or some other place that feels full of energy to you. Make sure it is a place that you will be undisturbed for the duration of the night. Dress in comfortable, loose-fitting clothing. You may wish to take a blanket with you to ward off the chill night air.

When you have arrived at your sacred space, first ask permission to use the space, then make an offering and express gratitude. Next, sit or stand comfortably and ground and center yourself.

You may wish to perform a mindful meditation like mindful breathing, the sensory integration meditation, or the Tree of Life meditation.

It may help to build a campfire or to light a candle to give you a center of focus.

Once you feel you are ready, ask the Universe to reveal your life purpose to you, and wait for a reply. Sometimes this reply may come as a vision, or a dream, or just as a feeling in your spirit. Stay awake all night if possible, and greet the dawn with open acceptance.

Look for messages from the environment. Do the trees speak to you? Are you visited by any animals? A visit from your totem animal would be especially powerful at this time.

When your life’s mission is revealed, greet the dawn and offer thanks.

If your mission is not revealed, try again at another time, after preparing yourself by a period of meditation, fasting, and thanksgiving.

What I See when I Look in the Mirror

Look into a mirror, preferably a full-length mirror, and describe what you see in as much detail as possible. Use your journal to record your observations and descriptions.

12.5 The Mirrored Self

Now go back to what you wrote on the previous page. How much of what you wrote had to do with physical appearance, and how much of it had to do with your inner experience of yourself? Are the two related?

Western culture tends to focus a great deal on appearances. We’ve been conditioned in our society to believe that our external identity defines who we are. In other words, how we look tends to dictate how we feel. If we don’t consider ourselves attractive, our self-esteem suffers and we feel insecure about ourselves.

What we tend to forget is that the opposite viewpoint can be true as well. That is, how we feel about ourselves can dictate how attractive we appear to others. Have you ever met someone whose poise and self-confidence immediately made them more attractive to you? Such a person has learned to accept their body with all of its flaws and imperfections, but also with all of its assets and good points. Their attitude and how they feel about themselves has actually worked to make them more attractive to those around them.

Go back to your list again. If you wrote anything about your physical appearance that was negative, think of at least two positive things about your appearance. For example, if you wrote, “I don’t like my nose,” you might write, “I have a nice smile,” and, “I like my eyes.”

If you have any positive character traits listed, think about how those traits manifest themselves in your body. As you focus on the positive aspects of yourself, do you notice any changes within your own body? Do you stand up straighter when you meditate on your positive qualities? Do you feel muscle tension beginning to evaporate when you think about your positive character traits? Make it a part of your daily routine to look at yourself in the mirror for a minute or two, focusing only on the positive. And don’t forget to smile at yourself while doing so!

Feel what this positive energy does to the way you carry yourself.

12.6 Nature and the Mindful Body

In early childhood, we are not aware of ourselves as separate beings. We see ourselves as a part of our parents. The moods and feelings of our primary caretakers become our moods and feelings, and vice-versa. It’s like language. If you grew up in a Spanish-speaking household, you’d speak Spanish. If you grew up in an English-speaking household, you’d speak English. Likewise, we learn our emotional language from the people who shape our childhood.

 As we mature, we gradually develop a sense of identity; a sense that we are individuals. We become separate from the people who raised us. There are positive aspects to this idea of separation. If we develop our own sense of identity, we learn to be responsible for our own physical and emotional wellbeing. We learn that we are responsible for our own happiness, and that others are responsible for their own emotions as well. However, sometimes we can take this idea of separation too far. When this happens, we come to think that the environment around us has no impact on us, and that we have no impact on the environment.

In reality, we are not separate from the environment in which we live. When we go out into nature, physiological changes occur. Our heart rates slow down, our blood pressure decreases. Our minds become more open and accepting. In short, nature gives us a sense of calmness and wellbeing. Even if you live in an urban environment, you can reap the benefits of these physiological changes by incorporating houseplants into your living space, or by listening to recordings of natural sounds like waterfalls, rainstorms, or crickets chirping.

Our actions change our environment. What we do to the Web of Life, we do to ourselves. If we pollute the water table, we eventually find ourselves drinking polluted water. If we poison the food chain, we eventually find ourselves eating tainted food. These toxins then become a part of us. This idea can be extended to emotional pollution as well. If we act in emotionally toxic ways, we will eventually find that others respond to us in the same way. Could it be that our tendency to emotionally pollute the environment is somehow linked to our tendency to physically pollute the environment?

Nature teaches us that we are not separate from the natural world, and that the natural world is not separate from ourselves. We need nature to survive. We need nature to thrive. And nature needs us. Part of living in True Self is the simple acceptance of these facts.

As you bring your consciousness into closer alignment with your own image of your True Self, meditate on the role nature has to play in teaching you more about your body and the way it interacts with the natural world. You may try meditating both indoors and outdoors. If you do this, note any differences in the way your body experiences itself indoors and outdoors. In doing so, you will learn more about how your True Self manifests itself. You will also learn more about your own place in the world.

12.7 Wise Mind and Communication

“Allow others to live as they choose, and allow yourself to live as you choose.” –Richard Bach

Without communication, there could be no relationships. The main, if not the only, cause that relationships develop difficulties is poor or misunderstood communication. Thinking back to the concept of Wise Mind as a harmony of Emotional Mind and Rational Mind, let’s apply Wise Mind to communication. What would a balance of emotional and rational communication look like? Could it be that the Wise Mind of communication is the ability to make our emotional needs known in a calm and rational manner, without blaming, shaming or trying to ‘guilt’ our partners into submission?

A part of this Wise Mind of Communication is to take responsibility for our own emotional wellbeing, and to expect the same of others.

What do you see?

Look at the picture to the left and describe what you see. If you see the picture in more than one way, describe the first thing that you notice in the picture.

Some people see a rabbit in the picture to the left. Some people see a duck. Some people see both immediately. Can you see both the rabbit and the duck? Which did you see first?

Suppose you saw the rabbit, but didn’t see the duck. Further suppose that your partner saw the duck but didn’t see the rabbit. Who would be right? Who would be wrong?

The answer, of course, is that there is no right or wrong answer. Both the rabbit and the duck are in the picture. If you saw the rabbit, and your partner saw the duck, you’d both be looking at the same picture and coming to different conclusions. Neither of these conclusions is right, and both are.

Think back to a past disagreement you may have had with your partner. Was it truly a case of “I’m right and (s)he’s wrong,” or were you both looking at the same picture and coming to different conclusions about what was there, based on your own experiences of the situation?

When you communicate from Wise Mind, you come to realize that you are responsible for your own emotional wellbeing, and that is all you are responsible for. Likewise, when you communicate from Wise Mind, you are aware that your partners are responsible for their own emotional wellbeing, and that is all they are responsible for. No matter how much you try, you cannot force someone to see things your way unless they are willing for it to happen, and vice-versa. Wise Mind realizes that you see the rabbit, and your partner sees the duck, and that’s okay. You’re each entitled to your own viewpoint of the situation. Wise Mind realizes that what you are not entitled to is the right to invalidate your partner’s thoughts, feelings or opinions. Wise Mind knows how to agree to disagree.

A part of living in True Self is learning to free yourself from emotional dependence and codependence on your family and/or romantic relationships. Living in True Self involves taking responsibility for your own emotional wellbeing, and allowing others to be responsible for their own emotional wellbeing.

12.8 True Self and the Power of Intention

The ultimate goal of Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy is to free yourself from the assumptions and barriers to connection that keep you from living fully in your True Self. Refer back to your list of Top Ten Things that Keep Me from Feeling Connected from Session 7. How many of those barriers to connection have to do with your own assumptions about the way things work in your life?

Return to your image of your True Self that we created in Session 2.4: Radical Acceptance of True Self. Our intention with Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy is to be able to live fully in True Self. What paradigm shifts would have to take place in order for that to happen? How many assumptions have you made about life that may not be helpful to your living fully in True Self? Is there a way you could change your own personal story that would lead you to be more accepting of yourself? If you did so, would it help you to become the person you were meant to be?

Imagine this scene:

You’re walking alone in the forest one day. Suddenly your Fairy Godmother appears before you.

“Greetings,” she says. “You have found my secret hiding place, and now you will be granted a single wish.”

You protest, “But I thought Fairy Godmothers granted three wishes?”

“Ahhh,” your Fairy Godmother says, “But I am a special Fairy. I have but one power…the power to give you the life you have always wanted. I cannot grant you material possessions, or change other people, or make any changes in the environment around you. All I can do is to change you into the person you want to be.”

Your Fairy Godmother waits for your reply. What would you tell her? Go on to the next page and answer the questions on the What I Would Tell My Fairy Godmother exercise.

What I Would Tell My Fairy Godmother                               

You’re walking in the woods when you meet your own special Fairy Godmother. She offers to grant you a single wish, but this Fairy Godmother cannot change other people. She cannot change the world. This Fairy Godmother can only change things about the way you think and feel. The Fairy Godmother asks you what you would like to change about yourself.

What would you tell your Fairy Godmother? Answer the questions below in your journal:

What would you ask the Fairy Godmother to change about the way you think?

What would you ask the Fairy Godmother to change about the way you feel?

What would you ask the Fairy Godmother to change about the assumptions you have made concerning your life?

What would you ask the Fairy Godmother to change about the assumptions you have made about your ability to live fully in your True Self?

12.9 Becoming the Fairy Godmother

What did you learn about yourself from the Fairy Godmother? Of course, the above is a fanciful scenario, but the good news is that the Fairy Godmother is real! The Fairy Godmother is your own True Self. Look again at your answers to the questions on the What I Would Tell My Fairy Godmother exercise. Are there any answers there that are beyond your own ability to change? Why? Why not?

12.10 Killing the Goose

“Love people, not things; use things, not people.” ― Spencer W. Kimball

There’s a fairy tale called The Goose Who Laid the Golden Egg. For you who are unfamiliar with the story, it’s about a farmer who had a magical goose. This magical goose laid one golden egg per day. The farmer sold these eggs and made quite a comfortable living for himself and his family. But one day the farmer began thinking that instead of just having the one egg every day, wouldn’t it be nice to have a whole bunch of golden eggs all at once?

The farmer began to have many sleepless nights thinking of all the things he could buy if he could get all the eggs at once.

Finally one day his greed got the better of him, and he decided to kill the goose, cut it open, and take all the eggs at once for himself. So this is what he did.

But when he killed the goose and cut it open, there were no eggs inside. The goose produced a fresh new golden egg every day, but it took a day for the goose to produce it. Now that the farmer had killed the goose, not only did he not have a big pile of golden eggs, but the one golden egg per day that he had gotten in the past was gone as well. So for the rest of his life he had to work and scratch in the dirt just to get by.

We do not live in a sustainable society. Most of the resources that we take for granted are finite in quantity. Many cannot be replenished. Once they’re gone, they’re gone. Little by little, we are killing off the goose that laid the golden egg. Even the most dyed-in-the-wool materialist must know this deep in the back of his or her mind. What sort of impact does this have on our individual psyches? On our collective conscious? A quick glance at the popularity of movies with apocalyptic themes will tell you that this meme is deeply imbedded within us.

What sort of impact does this knowledge have on the way we live our day-to-day lives?

The quote from Spencer W. Kimball reminds us to think about what’s truly important in life. How much of your own personal happiness comes from things? How much of it comes from your relationship with people? With nature? With yourself? Yes, a certain amount of material possessions are necessary to survive in life, but as the Beatles reminded us, “Money can’t buy me love.”

12.11 What’s Possible

 What if you could create the whole world all over again? Think about the Fairy Godmother from the previous section. Suppose you had another Fairy Godmother who would restore the world to its primal state, with all the people and all the animals, and all the forests, but without all the factories, traffic, and industries that pollute the Earth, our Mother. Suppose you could start over with all the knowledge and technology we have right now. But imagine the technology would be applied in appropriate, sustainable ways that focused on people and nature instead of rabid materialism. What sort of world would you create?

There are a lot of top-down environmental efforts through legislation to improve our ecological situation. There is a place for such actions, but I don’t think that a top-down approach will yield results quickly enough to avert environmental catastrophe. I believe that what is needed is a bottom-up approach.

This home is made almost entirely of natural, sustainable materials like clay, sand, straw, wood and stone. The materials are harvested directly from the building site, greatly reducing manufacturing and transportation costs. While more labor intensive, these homes are much more environmentally friendly.

Section 8.1 illustrates the concept of second-order change. A first-order change is winning or losing according to the rules of the game. A second-order change involves changing the rules of the game so it is possible to win. The game we’re playing right now with the environment is a no-win game. We need to change the rules of the game if humankind, and the planet, are going to survive and thrive.

The way we change the rules of the game is to change the culture itself by changing our values. Material possessions are a necessity, but they are not a solution to all of life’s problems. If we change our values to respect the things that are truly important in our lives, then I believe that a sustainable culture will automatically emerge from the bottom-up.

Can you imagine a whole culture of people living mindfully and caring about themselves by caring about the environment? If that culture swept over the planet, what would that do for the mental and physical wellbeing of every person on this earth? Imagine a whole world full of people in touch with their own True Selves, living out the lives they were born to have! I personally cannot imagine a greater adventure.

This workbook contains the basic tools you need to bring about such a paradigm shift for you and your family. Take the lessons you’ve learned here. Apply them to your own life, and help your family and friends to apply them to their lives as well. If the whole world learned to live mindfully, in balance with and a part of nature, then the global environmental crisis would take care of itself.

12.12 Walking the Path

We’re now coming to the end of our journey together. Whether you are completing this workbook as part of a class, or on your own, congratulations for all you hard work! You’ve learned a great deal about yourself, your relationship with others, and your relationship with nature. You’ve developed and created some tools that will help you along your journey. Now go out and do something nice for yourself…you deserve it!

If you completed this workbook on your own, and are interested in taking a live series with a trained facilitator, visit www.mbft.org for a schedule and registration information.

Now go forth and enjoy living as the person you were meant to be!

YOU HAVE NOW COMPLETED THE EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS FOR THE MINDFULNESS-BASED ECOTHERAPY PROGRAM AND WORKBOOK PORTION OF THE FACILITATOR INSTRUCTION AND CERTIFICATION COURSE. WHEN YOU ARE READY, GO ON TO THE NEXT MODULE, “Mindfulness: An Introduction.”