A large and growing body of research has demonstrated that nature has incredible healing powers. People who go into the woods become calmer, more relaxed, less stressful, and healthier. Embracing the nurturing power of nature, we are healed.

10.0 Nature and Nurturing Relationships

I met my wife of fifteen years online through an Internet Personals site. On my Personals page, one of the questions asked on the Profile was, “What is your idea of the perfect date?” For my response, I wrote, “Going camping in the woods…that moonlit beach is getting too crowded!”

Of course, the reason I’d written this is that the majority of responses to the question consisted of, “A romantic walk on a moonlit beach.”

The fact that so many people want to take romantic moonlit strolls along the beach with a romantic partner tells me something: That nature has the power to induce romantic feelings.

Real physiological changes occur when we go outdoors. Our heart rates slow down. Our blood pressure drops. We become more focused and aware. Many similar changes occur when we fall in love. Love is a nurturing relationship. When we have similar physiological changes in nature and in love, does it mean that we love nature? Could it mean that nature has the power to nurture?

The moral of the story is that if your intention is to build stronger relationships, to connect with your partner, or with nature, you’ll want to do more things that afford you the opportunity to build those connections. Nature is a powerful tool for helping both you and your partner to calm down, slow down, move out of Doing Mode into Being Mode, and to simply enjoy each other’s company. If you’re single, nature can still be a way to receive strong nurturing feelings similar to those of being in love.

Do you have pets? Do you find nurture from animals? Do you nurture and love your pets in return? Animals are a part of nature as well. We nurture them and they nurture us.

In Session 10 we will explore how animals and natural environments can nurture us, and how we can nurture them. The exercises in this chapter will help us to connect with the nurturing aspects of our True Selves.

Optional Activity:  Plant a Tree

To experience nurturing relationships with nature, try planting a tree. If you don’t have the space or the opportunity for a tree, try planting a seed in a flowerpot or a cup.

As the plant you have chosen grows, nurture it by watering it and occasionally giving it plant food and fertilizer. If necessary, trim it and make sure it gets enough sunlight.

Spend at least six months nurturing your plant. Are you able to keep it alive? Are you able to help it to thrive?

After some time nurturing your plant or tree, you may come to discover that nurturing relationships are a two-way path. As you nurture your plant, you may find that it has nurtured you as well.

The more you give, the more you get back!

10.1 Non-Verbal Communication

In Session 7 we discussed the fact that spirituality is all about connection. People often find it easier to connect with their pets than with other people, because pets are non-judgmental and accepting. They have few expectations of their human friends outside of food, shelter, and love. For this reason, when you are practicing your connection skills, it is often easier to practice with animals than with humans.

Nurturing is an aspect of connection. Connecting with nature, animals, others, and with ourselves is a very nurturing act. Some equate connection with love, and love is the most nurturing emotion. The first step in tapping into this two-way stream of nurturing and connecting is through communication.

Do you talk to your pets? Do they seem to understand you at times? Can your pets make their wants and needs known to you? Pets can’t speak English. So how do you know what they want?

The answer is that pets communicate to us through the use of their body language. A dog wagging his tail means that the dog is happy. On the other hand, a cat wagging her tail means that someone is probably about to get scratched! We’ve learned what these signs mean by living with our pets and by paying attention to what their bodies are telling us. The more we pay attention to these non-verbal cues, the more we come to understand our pets.

As much as 70% of communication between human beings is non-verbal in nature. With pets, 100% of how they communicate with us is non-verbal. So if you can learn how to read what your pets are telling you, you have learned the art of nonverbal communication.

The vast majority of therapy and counseling done in the world today is what is called “talk therapy.” In this type of therapy, therapists and their patients work on problems and find solutions by talking about them. There is, however, a vast body of experiential awareness that is non-verbal in nature. Because of this, some therapists believe that the ultimate therapy would be one in which you would not have to talk at all. Have you ever been emotionally moved by a beautiful piece of instrumental music, or by a sunset, or by a walk in the woods, or by an affectionate nuzzle from a favorite pet? If so, you’ve experienced non-verbal therapy.

When exploring the world of animal-assisted mindfulness, especially when connecting with animals, don’t focus so much on using words to describe what you are experiencing. Approach it from Being Mode rather than Doing Mode. Just enjoy the experience. As you do the exercises in this session, explore what it might be like to live in a non-verbal world. Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy is more about experiences than about talking. It’s more of a way of directly being in the world than about verbal communication. Communication with nature is easy once you get past the idea of words.

10.2 Your Animal Totem

If you’re a sports fan, you’re no stranger to the fact that many professional sports teams are named after animals. There’s the Chicago Bears, the Carolina Panthers, the Atlanta Falcons, the Philadelphia Eagles, etc. We also use animal names as terms of endearment (for example, “Teddy Bear”) or as nicknames (Richard the Lionhearted, or King Arthur, whose name means “The Bear”). This tendency is a vestige of a time when we lived closer to nature. We choose these nicknames because certain animals have certain characteristics. In using these names for ourselves, our loved ones, and our sports teams, we are either consciously or unconsciously invoking the characteristics of those animals. We are using the archetypal energy of animals to make changes in ourselves.

Animals are a great example of nature’s nurturing powers.

Do you have an affinity for a certain animal? My wife and I both love cats, and she collects cat figurines and pictures. Other friends I know collect cows, pigs, bears, etc. When I ask people about their reasons for collecting a particular animal, the usual response is, “I don’t know, I just like cats (or dogs, or whatever).”

If you have a favorite animal, have you ever stopped to think about why? What is it about that particular animal that attracts you? There is an almost universal tradition in indigenous spiritual paths of taking a totem animal. Sometimes even whole tribes took on the name of a particular animal (The Wolf Clan of the Cherokee people would be an example). Obviously, such connections with the animal world are important. But why? Have you ever stopped to think about what this could mean?

Think about your favorite animal for a moment. You may have more than one favorite animal. If that is the case, pick the one that first comes to mind. Picture that animal clearly in your mind. It may help to do a mindful meditation while focusing only on your chosen animal. When you feel that you have established a connection in your mind with your animal, go on to the My Animal Totem exercise on the next page.

My Animal Totem     

Think about your favorite animal. Hold the picture of that animal clearly in your mind as you complete the questions below in your journal.

What is your favorite animal? Why?

What are the characteristics of your favorite animal (for example, if your favorite animal is a lion, you might include ‘fierce’ or ‘independent’)?

In what ways are you like your favorite animal (personal traits you share in common with your favorite animal)?

In what ways are you different from your favorite animal (personal traits you do not share in common with your favorite animal)?

Of those ways that you are different from your favorite animal, are there any characteristics you would like to have, but don’t? For example, if your animal is a lion, and the lion is independent, and you don’t see that quality in yourself, but would like to possess it, list it in your journal.

How might your totem animal bring these qualities into your life? How could you draw upon the energy of the archetype of your totem animal to help you to live more fully in your True Self?

10.3 Animal as Nurture

Therapists have a saying: “The map is not the territory.” One meaning of this phrase is that the greatest psychotherapist in the world can never know all the subtle nuances of her patient’s thoughts and feelings. You are your own best expert on what you are feeling or thinking at any given moment. By closely examining your True Self, and learning to trust that knowledge, you journey towards the person you wish to be.

Another meaning of the saying, “The map is not the territory,” is that the way we perceive others is not the true way others actually are. Each of us carries within ourselves our own representations of the people we meet. This is also true of the animals in our lives. We see them through our own personal lenses, assigning to them attributes and feelings that come from deep inside us. Think back to the story you created in My Own Animal Legend. Which animals were nurturing you on your journey? What qualities did they possess? The qualities you saw are projections of your own feelings and thoughts about these animals. In a way, they are the nurturing qualities you possess within yourself.

If you have pets, you’re probably aware that they help you get in touch with your own inner nurturing qualities. Many animals instinctively respond to your own nurturing by nurturing in return. My cats know when I’ve had a bad day, and they come to me to offer comfort and affection in the same way that I offer my comfort and affection to them. I’ve learned a lot about myself from the way my animals respond to me, and the way I respond to them.

Even if you don’t have pets, you can still take advantage of the nurturing qualities of animals by getting in touch with your own feelings about what nurturing animals represent to you. Symbolically, these thoughts and feelings represent our own primal urges.

Think about the totem animal you selected in the previous exercise. What qualities does this animal possess that are nurturing? What qualities does it possess that aren’t nurturing? How can you use these qualities in your journey to your True Self?

10.4 Your Animal True Self

In her book, Drawing Down the Moon, Margot Adler tells of an experience she had with catching fish bare-handed. She was having very little success, until a shamanistic friend asked her to think of animals who are natural fishermen. Adler immediately thought of a bear. Her friend then advised her to “become the bear.” She then pictured in her mind how bears caught fish. When she adopted the pose and the technique that bears use to catch fish, she began catching them bare-handed at a rapid rate.

From mythology and legend, we all familiar with people who transform themselves into animals. There’s the werewolf, and Dracula’s ability to transform himself into a bat. There are legends about witches like Baba Yaga and the Skinwalkers of the Navajo who had the power to shapeshift. Unfortunately, we took those legends literally. What if they weren’t about an actual physical transformation, but a transformation of the mind? If you could mentally transform yourself into an animal of your choosing, what would that look like? What would be different about the way you carried yourself? About the way you thought about things? About the way you felt about the world and yourself? What could you do in such a frame of mind that you couldn’t do as yourself?

Of course, I’m not talking about barking like a dog at your next business meeting! But what if you could embody the courage of a lion the next time you ask for a raise? What if you could take on the gentleness of a lamb at your next romantic encounter? What if you could be as wise as an owl the next time you needed a solution to a problem?

Think about your totem animal from the My Animal Totem exercise. What characteristics of your totem animal could help you to affirm and live in your True Self if you pictured yourself becoming that animal? Could you draw on the power and energy from your totem animal to help you to succeed in transforming yourself into the person you were meant to be? How?

10.5 An Attitude of Gratitude

Have you ever been thanked for doing something nice for someone? How did you feel afterwards? Did it make you more likely to want to help again in the future? Did it help the person who thanked you by making them more aware and more grateful to you in return for the gesture?

Imagine that you approached life with a sense of entitlement. Suppose you expected life to hand you everything on a silver platter. How long do you imagine it would be, with such an attitude, before you began to take things for granted? How long do you imagine it would be before you started demanding things?

Now imagine you approached life with a sense of gratitude. Suppose you were grateful for the air that you breathe, the food that you eat, the clothes that you wear, and the people in your life. Would it be possible to take things for granted with such an attitude of gratitude? Would it be possible to demand or expect things with such an attitude?

In Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy we teach students to approach life with an attitude of gratitude. Being thankful to others, to nature, or to your own concept of the divine changes the way you think and feel. Even if you have no concept of a higher power or of the divine, being grateful to the Universe for providing for you changes the way you approach things. It changes your thinking.

Nature nurtures us by providing for us. Everything you eat, the air you breathe, the water you drink, the clothes you wear, everything you see, hear, touch, taste or smell is a product of nature. How often do you thank nature for this bounty?

One way to express gratitude is to commit a nurturing act in a spirit of thanksgiving.

Most, if not all, aboriginal peoples around the world provided offerings of one form or another to nature. These offerings could consist of bits of food, or libations (liquid refreshments poured out on the ground), or of colored ribbons, or of any form they chose with which to honor the spirit of nature.

Many Native American tribes offered pinches of sacred tobacco as a sacrifice when gathering healing herbs or plants. The Celtic peoples of Europe often tossed valuable silver vessels or finely crafted tools and weapons into sacred rivers and other bodies of water. This is where we get our tradition of tossing coins into wishing wells. These were called “sacrifices” because it was the custom to only give their best to honor the spirits of nature.

One way to establish a two-way nurturing relationship with nature is to make such offerings. In order to receive nurture from nature, we must be willing to offer our own nurturing in return. This is only natural. Would you stay in a relationship that was not nurturing you? Likewise, we have no reason to expect nurture from nature if we are not willing to give it ourselves.

A first step in establishing this nurturing relationship is to always remember to ask nature for permission before engaging in any outdoor activity, and to thank nature when the activity is over.

How do you know that nature has granted permission? The answer to this question is sort of like trying to explain what it’s like to be in love, to a person who has never been in love. The best answer you can give is, “You’ll know it when it happens.”

One way to know that nature has granted permission is to notice, after asking, what you may feel attracted to. Does something in the environment call for your attention? After asking permission, do you feel at peace, or uneasy? Open your heart and your senses, and be willing to accept the answers you receive.

If you don’t feel that nature has given you permission, then find another place, or postpone your activity until another day.

If you do feel that nature has consented, then thank her by offering something. A libation of ale, or wine, or other refreshment may be poured on the ground, or you may leave a bit of bread or cheese or other food item. When I do workshops, we sometimes cover pine cones in peanut butter, then roll them in birdseed.

Whatever offering you choose, present it in a thankful manner. You may wish to express your thanks out loud, or you may simply remain silent and respectful while placing your offering. Whatever manner you choose to express your thankfulness, the act will change your perceptions about the natural world and your place in it. This act eases the spirit and gives you a sense of peace and gratitude for all that nature has provided.

When you have committed this nurturing act, you have opened the way for a reciprocal exchange of nurturing from nature to you, and back again.

To take the first step in establishing the cycle of nurture, complete the Attitude of Gratitude exercise on the next page.

An Attitude of Gratitude 

For this exercise, enter your sacred space. If you have not yet established a sacred space for yourself, find any natural spot outdoors that seems to call to you. This spot will be your sacred space for the purposes of this exercise. Ask the spot’s permission before continuing. If you feel that you have been granted permission, then express your gratitude by making an offering of some sort. This offering can be food, or a libation, or a colored ribbon, or an act of nurturing like watering or pruning a plant or removing debris from the area. While engaging in this activity, remain open to nature’s voice by performing a mindful breathing exercise or some other form of meditation.

After you have made your offering, sit quietly in your sacred spot and observe for a few minutes. Write down your observations by answering the questions below in your journal.

Did nature grant you permission for this activity? If so, how did this permission manifest itself?

When you made your offering, how did you feel? Did your perceptions of the location change? How?

When you made your offering, did you notice any changes in your thinking? If so, what changes?

If this is the first time you have ever established a nurturing relationship with nature by making an offering, did this act of gratitude change how you feel about yourself? In what ways?

If this is the not first time you have ever established a nurturing relationship with nature by making an offering, when did you first start the practice? How has the practice helped you to grow in your relationship with nature?

After you made your offering and began observing this sacred space, what did you notice?

How might the things you noticed or observed change how you feel about yourself?

Was anything you noticed nurturing to you? If so, how might it help you to live more fully in your True Self?

10.7 Establishing the Cycle of Nurture

The Attitude of Gratitude exercise is a first step in establishing a reciprocal nurturing relationship with nature. The next step is to create a cycle of nurturer. In order to receive nurturing, we must be willing to give nurturing in return. By opening yourself to the idea of being thankful to nature for her bounty, we are able to connect more fully to nature and to ourselves by removing obstacles to connection like ungratefulness, unwillingness, and indifference.

All relationships have difficulties. From time to time we argue with our loved ones, and disagree. The next time you find yourself in such a disagreement, practice the exercise below. It works with romantic relationships, with parents and children, with family members, and with friends. It works with pretty much any relationship where people interact with each other.

The next time another person has a problem with you, try saying this to them:

“I understand that you are suffering. I am here for you. I hear you. I care. Please tell me how I may help.”

The next time you have a problem with another person, try saying this to them:

“I am suffering. I see that you are here for me. I hear you. I care. Please help me.”

These simple phrases, adapted from the Four Mantras by Thic Nhat Hanh, let the other person know that you value the relationship enough not to let the problem interfere. They also let the other person know that they are valued, and that you care for them. They also open the door to helping both partners feel heard and understood.

Practice these phrases with a loved one a few times before going on to the Cycle of Nurture exercise on the next page.

The Cycle of Nurture

If we expect to receive nurturing from nature, we must first expect to be willing to offer such nurture in return. Nurture is a two-way street. In order to establish the cycle of nurture with your own sacred space, first go to your sacred space and find a comfortable place to sit or stand. Next ground and center yourself by engaging in a brief meditation. Now ask permission for what you are about to do, and wait for a reply. If permission is granted, continue with the exercise below. If permission is not granted, find another place or wait until another day.

When you have received permission from nature, make an offering to express your gratitude, then sit or stand comfortably and recite the following three times to all the life present in your sacred space:

“I understand that you are suffering. I am here for you. I hear you. I care. Please tell me how I may help.”

Once you have recited the above three times, open your heart and your mind and wait for an answer. This answer may come in the form of a visit from an animal, or the way the wind moves through the trees, or a sound, or just a feeling within yourself. If you don’t receive an answer, end the exercise and try again on another day, following the same formula described above.

When you have gotten an answer, write your responses to the questions below in your journal.

What answer did you receive?

How do you plan to respond? In what ways may you nurture nature?

How might the actions described above (your plan to help nature) help you to receive nurturing from nature in return?

How might nature manifest its gratitude to you for your help?

How might you prepare yourself to receive this expression of gratitude?

How might establishing this cycle of nurture with nature help you to become the person you were born to be? To live more fully in your own True Self?

10.8 Reflections on Nature as Nurture

“I think over again my small adventures. My fears, those small ones that seemed so big. For all the vital things I had to get and to reach. And yet there is only one great thing. The only thing. To live to see the great day that dawns, and the light that fills the world.” – Old Inuit Song

Think about all of the things that have stressed you out in your life. How many of them were a product of the mind trap? That is, how many of them had to do with anxiety over things that had happened in the past, or that might happen in the future?

How many of them had to do with words and language? Could you worry about things if you had no words or language with which to fret over them?

Does this scene communicate to you? What does it say?

As we learned in Section 10.1, nature doesn’t communicate with words. Plants and animals can’t talk. They make their wants and needs known in other ways. To give and receive nurturing from nature, we must be open to learning non-verbal ways of communicating. Actions are more important than words when it comes to nurturing, so in order to establish a nurturing relationship with nature, we must be willing to act instead of merely talking.

While mindfulness involves leaving doing mode and entering into being mode, nurturing involves leaving talking mode and entering into doing mode. The doing mode of the nurturing cycle is about a different kind of doing than the type of doing that occurs in the mind trap. Nurturing is about doing activities that have positive emotional content rather than negative emotional content. Studies have shown that it is virtually impossible to dwell on our own problems when we are helping others with their problems. The more we nurture others, the more we are nurtured in return.

This is true of nature as well. If we are doing things to help nature, it is difficult to remain focused on the doing of the mind trap. By leaving the world of words behind, we are free to enter into a nurturing relationship with nature and to do things that help both nature and ourselves.

We are a part of nature. The more we embrace our own capacity for nurturing, the more nature will offer nurture in return.